1. |
Autumn
03:36
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I've set up camp in my car
So as no to wake the house
Because this hour is unnatural to
The better half of the world
And it's becoming apparent
That I'm not the better half
From my poor decisions
And my constant acts of indiscretion
And I say
Autumn is an excuse to be lonely
And you say
That's nothing more than justification
And you couldn't be more correct
If you tried your best
I really am a mess
Just like you said
I'm trying to pretend
Like I don't live for the sound of your voice
And I'm trying to pretend
Like I really have a choice
To resist the goings-on
Between you and me
Or am I mistaking your desire
For something more like chemistry
And I say
Autumn is an excuse to be lonely
And you say
That's nothing more than justification
And you couldn't be more correct
If you tried your best
I really am a mess
Just like you said
Just like you said
Just like you said
Your mind has drifted back overseas
If I joined the Peace Corps
Would it make your fall in love with me?
If I dropped a bomb, took a chance
Would it change your mind
Or have I overestimated
My position in your life?
And I say
Autumn will be the death of me
And you say
Not a word, you just let me make mistakes
And I start to fray at the edge
And you grab the string and pull
And I unravel
And everything falls apart
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2. |
On the Lam
03:58
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You make me wish I wasn't a poet
You make me want to be alone and homeless
We built this house with four strong hands
And you would be the hurricane to level this proud land
There are several things you'll never know about me
Like what I sound like when I'm asleep
Or the look on my face when I'm on my knees
And trying to, trying to, trying to please
And every choice I make is the wrong one
I don't want to have to be the strong one
And what is the piper going to say
When it's time, when it's time, when it's time to pay
Wherever you go I will be haunted
But I will lay low
I'll harness my heart and leave it at home
I know where I belong
And maybe I'll be absolved in time
But that decision isn't mine
I am what I say, you see what I am
A demon with a halo in her hand
We'll walk through these rooms as thick as thieves
All the while they're burning us in effigy
It's not what we do, but what we represent
And someone's gonna, someone's gonna have to repent
I can convince myself I don't need you
And I'll be fine until I see you
But no distraction in the world could save me then
Will my history repeat itself all over again
Wherever you go I will be haunted
But I will lay low
I'll harness my heart and leave it at home
I know where I belong
And sometimes the truth makes it so much worse
And someone, everyone gets hurt
If I stayed away, if I saw you and ran
I would always be on the lam
On the lam
On the lam from you
Isn't that what you told me to do?
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3. |
Tiny Me
03:22
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I want you to keep up with me
I want you to be dazzled by me
I want you in an idealized way
I don't know what you're thinking
Cuz I think you're too shy to talk
But I want to come on to you
Like I've got nothing to lose
Which I do
It's a damned shame I'm such a fuck-up
Cuz we'd probably have a really good time
I wonder what you'd have to say
About the music I like
And the songs I sing
And every movie I see
I want to look at you up close
And hear you admit
You never thought you'd have me
And I'd say
"You were always supposed to have me"
And then we'd share a cigarette
And talk about what's at the edge of the universe
Until we feel tiny and insignificant
And fall asleep
All this just happened
I was just there and then you said something
That shut me up good
And that's hard to do
And I smiled at you
From across a parking lot
And then I saw you smile so fast
And then it disappeared
Like you were afraid of it
Like you were afraid of Tiny Me
This don't make no fucking sense
I'm not typically like this
I wasn't meant to be your no one
I was just in the middle of
Another shade of love
Put unspeakably on hold
And I should not have you to show
For my transgression
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4. |
Fortune Cookie
04:56
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Here I go again
How many times till I learn my lesson
I walked willingly into your labyrinth
There's no easy way
Even when there is
No decision isn't always the easy decision
I will never try to pursue you
I will never change my life for you
I will never self-destruct for you
I will never have my chance with you
Dreaming my reluctant dreams of you
I will always shy away from you
I will always hide my thoughts of you
I will always wonder about you
The moon is rising fast
Reaching up from the horizon
She stayed late in bed
Clinging to thoughts of you as I did
Before I woke,
I brushed your cheek and lost my mind
You have no idea about my dreams,
That's the only thing I've done right
I will never try to pursue you
I will never change my life for you
I will never self-destruct for you
I will never have my chance with you
Dreaming my reluctant dreams of you
I will always shy away from you
I will always hide my thoughts of you
I will always wonder about you
Here I go again
Following the same old trend
I'm ashamed to admit
That I've learned nothing in all of this
This is not the way it was supposed to be
I promised that the last time would be the last time
But it's the same old me
I should have listened well when the wise man said
"Do not mistake temptation for opportunity"
I will never try to pursue you
I will never change my life for you
I will never self-destruct for you
I will never have my chance with you
Dreaming my reluctant dreams of you
I will always shy away from you
I will always hide my thoughts of you
I will always wonder about you
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5. |
Counting Down
03:59
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It's just the domino effect
Gravity has no respect for people or their lives
All it takes is just one thing
A keystone to bring the house down starting with the ceiling
And you can burn this book
But I won't forget the words
And if we burn the house down
Where will we keep our things?
You have no respect for time
Time, the way I see it, could be running out right now
And time, being what it is,
Is impossibly subjective to the person who perceives it
And the more I think about it
Time has an exchange rate
The ever increasing value of a moment
How long will you keep me in the waiting room
Measuring out my whole life in coffee spoons?
And so we renewed the lease
To get us through the winter and we'll try again in Spring
And that will surely buy us time
Until the jury comes back from its long deliberation
And you can take this season for whatever it is worth
And I will take my time with you and try to make this work
I have no illusions that you will ever change
But I am losing time
And I have no time to waste
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6. |
Whole Wide World
05:42
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Staring at the wheels, spokes and gears and chains
I knew why I was there
The sweat on both my hands
I couldn't seem to calm
I pulled at my own hair
I stumbled through your shop
Waiting for the clock
To say it's time to go
But first I met your friends
They knew who I was
But how much did you tell them,
How much did they know?
Did you think like I did
This was our beginning
The rest had been a prologue of what was yet to be
And nothing in this whole, wide, important world
Could stop the dam from breaking
Could keep your love from me
We loaded up your bike into my backseat
Where it left a stain on my bag
From your chain grease
You apologized, what you didn't know
Is I would wear that mark with pride
Wherever I would go
And from there I drove
Without much regard
Of any destination,
Now you had seen my cards
We made it through some drinks
When I confessed my sins
Let's order one more round, please,
I can't let this night end
Did you think like I did
We were getting started
We still had so much time
And nothing in this whole, wide, forgotten world
Could keep my hands from you
Could keep your hands from mine
But let us not forget
You were still the one
Who bet against me first
If you'd chosen well
When I still had a chance
It wouldn't have gone down this way,
It wouldn't have gone down this way,
It wouldn't have gone down this way,
It would have been just perfect
Eventually the night had to end
Regardless of any consequence
How were we to know
We had reached the end
This had been our epilogue
Our love was just pretend
Did you think like I did
This would be our epic
This would be the one thing we would hold until our graves
And nothing in this whole, wide, forgiving world
Would give us one more chance
Would give us one last chance to be saved
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7. |
On the Record
04:12
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We searched for common ground
Started on the mezzanine
I was sick with something wrong
Your proximity was Dramamine
You kept my head from spinning
Said I'm falling off this pier right now
But at least you're here right now
See there's your problem there
the first verse always writes itself
then you're left with "but what else"
the melody has changed
but the lyrics always play the same
and I've done this to everyone I've ever loved
I know this is wrong
and I've gone on the record now
like a tiny ticking bomb
and let the record show
I don't really know
if I could stop myself from falling for you now
I've got cautiousness in spades
but not in the right place
I never know just when and where to hide my face
See I am not a stone
But a hundred grains of sand
and you're struggling to keep me in your hand
is that all I have to offer in this life?
a history of accidents, a legacy of clumsiness
and let the record show
I have always known
the ice I've trespassed on
only gets more thin as I get old
I know this is wrong
and I've gone on the record now
like a tiny ticking bomb
and let the record show
I apologize,
I'm sorry for all the trouble that I've caused
to all of us
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8. |
Unnamed
05:04
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When I had mine, the hardest was the crying
and you may find this surprising,
but the easiest was the blood
and I can't say what it would be like for you
all that I can say is how it was for me
when I found out, of course I had my doubts
of course I had them, I think most people do
but in the end I couldn't make a decision
and I'm so ashamed to admit that I had to make him choose
and the things that hit the hardest are the questions we can't answer
like "who would you have been?"
and are there any solid causal relationships,
or is this just one of those terrible things that happens?
If I had behaved like a better person
would we still have come to this
each action has an equal and opposite reaction
but this act is my act of contrition
And I had time to think about it, and trust I did
I thought about it long and hard before I got it over with
there was a week when I could barely breathe and hardly speak
and then hours in a tiny room with dozens of other people
people just like me
people just like you
now I'm afraid of everyone I know
is there a rock in their back pocket and are they the type to throw
my whole life shouldn't have to revolve around one bad decision
but where does penance come from?
when will I be done with my contrition?
I'm still not I'm still not I'm still not I'm still not....
I'm still not ok
but I know I did the right thing anyway
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9. |
Unscripted
06:03
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I know exactly when it changed for you
you sat just there and held yourself
and clasped your eyes to me
I was honey tones and microphones
and you were all five senses
and nothing but electricity
you think you know a person
you think things are so simple
well I've got some very bad news
the world will only disappoint you
this part wasn't written
from here we go unscripted
I am dangerous and epic
stay far away from me
I would be a suffocating mess
if this new development unraveled me
I can live my whole life
never knowing what would happen if
the "ifs" turned into "ares"
you think you know a person
you think things are so simple
well I've got some very bad news
the world will only disappoint you
this part wasn't written
from here we go unscripted
I am dangerous and epic
stay far away from me
I am frozen to my instrument
grabbing at the frame of it
is this all I am?
the poet who took nothing
but the things that never were
and those that might have been
my present tense anomaly
a centrifuge to separate
my want from my need
imbalanced and unstable
an ion where there once was
just a person with ideas and thoughts and history
you think you know a person
you think things are so simple
well I've got some very bad news
the world will only disappoint you
this part wasn't written
from here we go unscripted
I am dangerous and epic
stay far away from me
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10. |
Revisionist History
03:35
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Remember the time we ended up happy
You said now that you have me, you'll never leave me
We were better than the best
And worse than the worst
But never in-between
We made a promise that we would be married
And began to make plans for the rest of our lives
Then one afternoon headed back up Route 2
You were hit by a car and died on the scene
Since you're not and never will be here
I make up imaginary futures for us
If I'd gone left at that road
Than maybe you would be something to me
Besides revisionist history
Remember the time we let it all happen
I lost half of my heart and all of my soul in the process
But now there was no turning back for me
All that remained was the husk of who I used to be
And the one that I left drank himself half to death
And soon after we made something we couldn't keep
And that's when you grew to hate me
That's when I was a sight not worth seeing
And that's when none of it mattered at all
Because that's when I lost the baby
Since you're not and never will be here
I make up imaginary futures for us
If I'd gone left at that road
Than maybe you would be something to me
Besides revisionist history
Remember the time we traveled the country
And my songs paid the bills,
All I had to do was to sing
And I knew I had gotten everything I'd ever wanted
But there's always something
All my life, you'd been my muse
And now I finally had you
But as soon as you got close,
The words just stopped
And so did the songs
And I never wrote another single one
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Acacia Sears Baltimore, Maryland
melodic acoustic poetic
Acacia Sears is a Baltimore-based singer songwriter whose
work is rooted in true life stories, thick with metaphor and imagery, percussive while being poetic. She has released two indie rock albums and one children’s album, and is preparing to record her next indie rock album in the Spring of 2024.
... more
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